Pushing Through the Pain

So this week's topic talks about when we're most productive in regards to our writing and I have to say...I'm not sure anymore. In the past, I've been a total night owl and (if I'm on a roll) and can write-or stay awake daydreaming-until the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, that's changed drastically. I still stay awake pretty much all night (I'm a total insomniac) but I don't write much at night like I used to. I don't know what it is. Now, when night falls, I look forward to reading, listening to my Kindle, watching Veronica Mars (Best. Show. EVER!) on Netflix, or god forbid, actually sleeping. But writing? I always have the best intentions when I sit down at the computer at night. I say things like "after I write 200 words, then I can watch V.M., I mean it this time!" Ha! Guess which option usually wins?

I don't know if my lack of writing is because I'm exhausted from being a college student, pining away for an office (or even a bedroom for that matter) of my very own, unable to focus due to noise/no noise/homework, boredom, lack energy, motivation, or all of the above. Who knows, but I know that I can't keep using all those things as an excuse anymore. If I want out of this writing dry spell, I have to force myself out of it, not keep sitting around wishing. wondering when it will go away and tricking myself into thinking that if I wait just a few more days and give myself just a little bit more of a break that the dry spell will pass.

Writing for me is kind of like exercises at the moment. I haven't exercised regularly in a long time, and now that I have been for the last few weeks, it's starting to get a little more bearable every time I do it. Sure, when I first start to do the exercises, the last thing I want to do is keep going, all I want to do is quit, but then when I push through the pain and the urge to quit, things get a little easier and by the time I'm finished I'm exhausted and sweaty and in desperate need of a shower, but I feel better. I feel better for having pushed myself and working hard and not giving up (for long anyway, lol) when things got tough and that's when I know in the long run that it will all be worth it, all the agony I'm going through now, the burning lungs, straining muscles and sweaty brow, will all be worth it in the end when I get on the scale and see I've lost weight.

The same goes for writing. I may not want to do it when I first start out and try to come up with excuses for why I should quit and do something else more fun, but then when I get into it and get into a groove, it gets a little easier and before I know it I have a page under my belt and I'm feeling great and that's when I know: in the end it'll all be worth it, all the agony, the dry spells, the writer's block, the doubt, when I have a finished first draft in my hands.

Sorry for the rant, I just had to get this all of my chest, but I guess to answer the question when am I most productive the answer is simple: when I push through the pain and refuse to give up. I think that'll be my writing mantra this year: push through the pain and never give up. Well, I'm not making any promises, but I will promise to try my damnedest to make this happen.

~Ella