My general response to the question “why do you write” is “I have no clue. It’s just something that I keep coming back to.” However, I’ve decided to follow in Emery’s foot steps and put my cards on the table, so here’s why I write.
I write as a way to process emotions, as a coping mechanism.
I was raised under the impression that showing people how you felt was inherently wrong, and for a long time I accepted that as true. I kept everything all locked up inside because I thought that was what everyone did. Then some stuff hit the fan and I realized that living a life where I had to pretend that my emotions didn’t exist just wasn’t the type of life I wanted to live, so I started to slowly demolish all of the walls I’d thrown up. Because of this at 20 I had to start learning how to process and express my emotions basically from the ground up.
I know, that sounds weird, so I’ll try to show you what I mean. Imagine, that a friend goes to Belgium and they bring you back a box of real honest to goodness Belgium chocolates. When you take that first bite it’s like nothing you’ve ever tasted before, and you don’t know how you could have spent your whole life eating Hershey’s bars when there was chocolate like this out there. At the same time it’s so complex and rich that it doesn’t take much to send you into chocolate overdrive. That’s what it was like for me except with emotions instead of chocolate.
I had no clue what I was doing, and it was really easy for my emotions as well of those I picked up from other people to overwhelm me. But when Ella started pulling me back into writing it all started to click. Writing was the perfect outlet for the emotions that I still hadn’t fully learned how to express. If I was completely at a loss for how to deal with something I could just work it into whatever story I was writing and let my characters deal with it.
I’ve thought about trying to stop a few times when I stopped needing a coping mechanism as much, but I just couldn’t do it. It’s part of who I am now, and the more time I spend with Bethany, Ella, Emery, and Hayley the more writing is drifting away from “coping mechanism” and heading towards “passion.”